I recently attended a training where a Ted Talk by Jay Johnson titled, "How to Deal with Difficult People: It's Your Heart Attack" was shown. At the heart of the talk was the idea that someone else's bad behavior shouldn't be the cause of your heart attack.

While watching, I was immediately reminded of something Victor Frankl, a Jewish Austrian Psychiatrist and Holocaust Survivor said, "The last of human freedoms — is freedom to choose."

We can't control other people's behavior, but we can choose how we react. And though easier said than done, there are a couple of things we can do to help. Take a breath. Don't worry about the technique, there's lots of exercises that rely on breathing in through your nose, holding and exhaling through your mouth.

Instead of worrying is it a 4-7-8 seconds or 4-4-4 seconds ratio, just focus on deep abdomen breathing which encourages the body to relax. A couple of deep breaths can give you enough time to choose how you want to respond and not react to the individual. Deep breathing, silently counting to ten, or even taking a break from a situation, if possible, are all simple techniques that can help.

I can think of several times when pausing and taking a couple of slow, deep breaths has stopped me from doing or saying something I might regret. One time in particular stands out.

In the nineties, I worked as the executive director of an after-school program that worked with youth that were underserved and many were involved with the justice system. Every year we held a fundraising banquet where we honored individuals, companies, educators and first respondents for their work with children.

Approximately 350 people attended, including Sheriffs from four different counties, local and state elected officials, media personnel and youth from the teen center that partnered with Sacramento County Sheriff Deputies to serve the attendees.

It was after 10:00 p.m., and the three teenage boys I was taking home and I were walking to my car when suddenly I stopped and began frantically scanning the parking lot. I was tired, my feet hurt, and I could feel the anger welling up in me at the thought that someone had stolen my vehicle.

Now the three teens with me wouldn't be surprised if I had let loose with some salty language. They were always having to put quarters in the swear jar at the center and were no strangers to the local juvenile corrections facility. Still, I could feel them watching me for my reaction and knew I had to check myself. Funny, I never considered that during one of the many times that day when I had given one of them my keys to get something, that they had done anything wrong.

"Breath", I reminded myself. After the second deep breath I turned in the boys' direction and realized they were all trying their best to conceal a smirk. "What did you guys do?" "Nothing", they all replied in unison. Deep breath again. "Okay, where's my car?"

Not sure if it was that they weren't getting the reaction they expected or what, but they started laughing and motioned to a brick wall that housed a dumpster. Probably should have taken another deep breath because my voice was an octave higher in pitch and volume when I asked, "You drove my car?" "No, no, we knew better than that, we pushed it over there to hide it from you."

"You pushed my 1972 Chevy Camaro over there? Do you know how much that thing weighs?" And with that we all started laughing.

Now maybe that's not the best example because their behavior was more mischievous than bad, but my initial anger was real and my credibility with these boys depended on me choosing my response to the situation carefully.

So, remember, it's your life, don't let someone else's behavior be the cause of your heart attack!

~ Joyce Carroll