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Alexa

"Right now, in West Sacramento, the air quality is good with an air quality index of 70."

I can't say—and I shouldn't say—that my wife, Adele, is jealous of Alexa. It's more like she's competitive with her.

Since I got my new Kindle Fire, coincident with the proliferation of California fires, when I wake up I've begun asking her, "Alexa, what's the air quality?"

She answers it's Good, Moderate or Unhealthy. For example, today, Alexa answers, "Right now, in West Sacramento, the air quality is good with an air quality index of 70." If the device case is open, she'll display the AQI above a graph of the air quality measurements for the past month.

To this, Adele reaches for her iPhone and manually, she's not into Siri, checks the PurpleAir web site and tells me that it's 18 in our neighborhood.

Not to be outdone, I gather my personal AQI device, place it in an outside window and read measurements of 4 for both PM10 and PM2.5. Those are for Particulate Matter  —fine inhalable particles, with diameters that are generally 10 or 2.5 micrometers.

When the wildfires were burning, the various devices peaked at over 300 — well into the unhealthy range.

So, I'll return to bed—and Adele turns to me and says, "You're getting pretty chummy with Alexa." To which, my Kindle makes a "ding" sound — Alexa acknowledging that she heard her name; but with no directions given.

As Adele continues to unload on Alexa, Alexa keeps beeping. I can almost hear Adele say, "All she does is beep. Doesn't she have anything to say for herself?"

I imagine explaining, "She doesn't talk just for the sake of talking. She only responds when you ask her a question. But you aren't asking her a question, You're just criticizing her."

With that conversation not happening, I head for my morning bath. Then I say to myself, "Why not set my Kindle next to the tub. It won't get wet and I can get some entertainment or a joke while I'm relaxing in the tub." So I did.

Once I settled into my hot bath, I called out, "Alexa, play some meditation music." No response. I repeated, "Alexa, play some meditation music." No response. This time, I said, "Alexa, play massage music," Still no response.

 

I wondered if might be that Alexa doesn't always respond when the devise cover is closed—which it was. So, I stretched out from the tub, opened the Kindle's cover, and repeated. "Alexa, play massage music." She (I'll call Alexa a "she" even though she isn't a real "she") responded, "Getting Spa station from I Heart Radio."

In a moment, a piano piece came on loud and fast. So, quickly, I said, "Alexa, make it quieter." It got quieter, but not quiet. I had to repeat the procedure three times before she got it quiet enough.

Finally, I had everything just the way I wanted it. I was relaxing in the tub.

So, I asked Alexa, "How do you make people laugh?" Alexa opened WikiHow's page, "How to Make Someone Laugh." The page began with a cartoon, "I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."

The WikiHow article wasn't all that bad. Here's a link.

Just about when I was discovering how to be as funny as Alexa reading from WikiHow, Adele passes by to tell me she's leaving to meet her yoga buddies and as she passes by she yells out, "Good bye."

This is heard by Alexa, who responds "Good bye," and shuts off.

Well, time to get out of the bath anyhow.

With one last attempt, I ask Alexa to tell me a joke.

Her reply. "What did the soap say to the bartender?"

"Gimme some suds and put it on my tub."

.~ Al Zagofsky

 

 

 

 

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