My son, Javier, wanted to go to Christian Brothers High School. He went to a Catholic elementary school, so most of his friends were going to CB. Against my better judgment, and in the face of stiff opposition from him and his mother, I capitulated and agreed that he could go to high school there.

The small group of kids from his elementary school got lost in the larger crowds at the high school, so Javi was on his own, contending with a few mean kids who were serious bullies. Not only were they bullies in person, but they were anonymous, cowardly cyberbullies as well. It was easy to deal with the cyberbullying—just keep away from the bully sites. The in-person bullying was a different matter altogether.

One of the bullies was a smart-ass kid called Dominic. He was merciless and hounded Javi every day. The teachers and staff at the school ignored the problem. They were ill equipped to handle bullying as evidenced by the fact that bullying has been happening forever. Realizing that fact, my council to Javi shifted to offense. I told him that unless he confronted the bullies, the bullying would continue.

Given the failure of the teachers and staff to intervene on his behalf, it was time for my boy to learn how to assert himself in a way that bullies understand. Javi wasn't tiny, but he was a little under average size and not very aggressive. Although he was, and still is, a naturally peaceful fellow, I enrolled him in a martial arts class to boost his confidence and acquire some fighting skills. Recognizing the inevitable, I told him to make sure he didn't start a fight, but that it was okay for him to defend himself.

After a few classes, Javi began to understand that he had the power to fight back. A month after starting the martial arts class, Javi called me after school with a great story of triumph.

Dominic had started to hassle him that morning. This time, Javi was more prepared to handle Dominic and his taunting antics. Rather than ignore Dominic's taunts, Javi told him to go to class.

The mean kid kept pestering him, so once again, he told him to go to class, but this time he shoved him toward his class. Indignant, Dominic took a swing at Javi who described the clash like this: "Dad, it was like slow motion! Dominic took a swing at me, and I blocked him with my left hand and punched him in the nose as hard as I could with my right! Dominic put his hands on his face and was bending up and down saying "My nose, my nose!!" It was great Dad!"

I was pleased, almost giddy, to hear that he successfully stood up for himself. A security guard saw the whole thing and said it was self-defense. The next day, Dominic came to school with tape over his broken nose.

Javi's confidence soared, the bullying stopped, and he was no longer a victim. My old-school anti-bullying strategy worked quite nicely.

~ Andrew Laufer